I want to know why.
Why I continue to feel this way?
Why this heaviness continues to set over me, in split seconds turning me from reasonably content to hating my own existence within seconds. The feeling that makes me want to disappear forever, that makes me want to off myself.
Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going?
What is my vision in life? What decisions am I going to begin to make? Have I already started making mistakes?
I just finished reading a book called "Trail of Broken Wings" by Sejal Badani. It made me depressed, it made me question. Why must life be like this? Why are some families so dysfunctional? Why do children get hurt and why can we not protect someone from everything no matter what? Is anybody in the world truly happy? Is happiness bound to be a fleeting emotion/feeling? Why do things happen the way they do? Why do people behave the way they do?
I wonder for myself. I wonder if this feeling will ever go away. I wonder about the world. Out there in the world is probably someone staring up at the ceiling wondering how their life came to be like this. Out there in the world is someone wondering how they will ever move forward. I feel the same way as them. I feel locked down, unable to move here or there. I feel like life is dull, and that I am simply irrelevant. I feel like I have a lot of choice and at the same time don't have a lot of choices. I want to write down my dreams and aspirations, but at the same time I'm scared. I'm scared that I'd be fooling myself and the path I am to take is completely different from that. I'm scared of the way I've put myself out, the people I've gotten close to. I'm scared of what I will gain and what I can lose. I'm scared of this facade I put up, scared of who I am and who I am further developing into.
I hope one day I get the answers I need.
Why I continue to feel this way?
Why this heaviness continues to set over me, in split seconds turning me from reasonably content to hating my own existence within seconds. The feeling that makes me want to disappear forever, that makes me want to off myself.
Who am I? Why am I here? Where am I going?
What is my vision in life? What decisions am I going to begin to make? Have I already started making mistakes?
I just finished reading a book called "Trail of Broken Wings" by Sejal Badani. It made me depressed, it made me question. Why must life be like this? Why are some families so dysfunctional? Why do children get hurt and why can we not protect someone from everything no matter what? Is anybody in the world truly happy? Is happiness bound to be a fleeting emotion/feeling? Why do things happen the way they do? Why do people behave the way they do?
I wonder for myself. I wonder if this feeling will ever go away. I wonder about the world. Out there in the world is probably someone staring up at the ceiling wondering how their life came to be like this. Out there in the world is someone wondering how they will ever move forward. I feel the same way as them. I feel locked down, unable to move here or there. I feel like life is dull, and that I am simply irrelevant. I feel like I have a lot of choice and at the same time don't have a lot of choices. I want to write down my dreams and aspirations, but at the same time I'm scared. I'm scared that I'd be fooling myself and the path I am to take is completely different from that. I'm scared of the way I've put myself out, the people I've gotten close to. I'm scared of what I will gain and what I can lose. I'm scared of this facade I put up, scared of who I am and who I am further developing into.
I hope one day I get the answers I need.
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